Birthdays and the angst attached to them

[hazliya]

So, whenever people ask me what I did for my 21st birthday, I don't know what to say. I did what I tend to do every year: small group of people for dinner and ridiculousness. I enjoy that.

But they balk when I tell them I did something small.
"You drink, right?"
"Yeah."
"And you didn't have a party?!"

Truth is, I haven't had a birthday party since 5th grade. After that, my birthday sort of lost its importance to me. I even actually forgot a few years until someone reminded me. And even then, it consisted of a cupcake with a candle in it before everyone hurried through their morning rituals. Not that I blame anyone - I was, and still am, surrounded by busy people. My family are all busy, and the year we started taking finals in middle school marked the time when all of my friends were busy, too.

The fact that my birthday often passed unmarked was never a problem. After all, the people born close to holidays must have it ten times worse. But what got to me was when people started feeling guilty about not celebrating. elenuial was a tad upset that he couldn't do anything major, and that he hadn't planned anything in advance. I kept telling him that there was nothing he could do, and that academia eats your soul. Even still, I can't help but be a little disappointed every year. This is the first year that it's actually noticeably bothered me. And that upsets me - that I let myself get even marginally depressed over the fact that the day I was born is surrounded by circumstances that conspire to keep it from being celebrated.

But, since there's nothing I can do to change that, it's mostly a suck-it-up-and-deal kind of affair. Which makes poor elenuial feel worse, because it makes him feel like a failure as a romantic partner, and then I feel worse for being the source of his fretting.

I like celebrating other people's birthdays. If I were any good at planning events, I'd throw elenuial a late birthday party in January, mostly for the fact that he loses out to christianity every year. However, any ideas for that went out the window as the only weekend before term starts, he and I will be playing in Voidstalkers. Right before I was about to ask if he'd like to do something for his birthday that weekend, he told me that he wanted to play and asked if I would like to as well. So I didn't even suggest it, figuring that he seemed excited and that it would be good large-game practice for Intercon in March. I wonder now if I should've said something, but I didn't want him to feel guilty for wanting to choose gaming over my attempts at celebrating his birthday, especially since we're apart for it every year.

I also wonder if I should stop celebrating my birthday altogether. It might sound extremist, but that way, no one feels neglectful or guilty over something that's supposed to be a good deal of fun.

I have no idea.

-Haz

Comments

half b-day

[chachachikka.livejournal.com]

I had a friend who's birthday was on xmas so she celebrated her half bday in the summer. It was cool, a pool party and such. Maybe you could try celebtrating your half b-day.

[laurion]

My birthday has been fairly small 'go out for a meal' affairs for a while now. I turned 21, and my parents and I went out to dinner. We ordered soda.

Except this year. I hit 30 this year (shh, don't tell!) and had a pretty huge backyard barbecue. It was fun. But then again, so are the smaller ones.

So you know what? Forget what other people think, just have a fun time on your birthday, that's all that really matters.

Unless you want an excuse to have a big party, then that's a pretty good excuse.

[kgola.livejournal.com]

I second this - have fun on your birthday.

The last two summers, I've gone to P-town with a few close friends. It's not a huge party, and I barely even had one drink on my 21st birthday. Regardless, I've had two of the best birthday celebrations the last two years.

Just as long as you do something enjoyable, I think that's all that counts.

[chainer36.livejournal.com]

Honestly, small birthdays really are just as nice as big, complicated affairs. When I turned 21, it was just me, my twin, and our parents with a small cake and some wine or champagne (can't remember which).

Don't feel upset if circumstances prevent a big party. I'll do you one better. My grandmother's birthday is the day AFTER Christmas. So we call her on the day, and then the Saturday after, we go to her apartment for a small party. Cake and music, never more than say, 10 or 15 people, if that.

Also, don't feel bad that you can't do anything nice for Adam. In all likelihood, he probably is feeling the same way: getting used to not having a big party, because Jesus had to go and be born in Decemeber, and not in the middle of March like he should have. >.>

Besides, it's not like you can't do anything...."special" for him after this Voidstalkers thingamabobber.