Curiouser and Curiouser

I haven't posted here in forever, but brief update before I return to the Land of the Internets:

-I arrived in Japan safe and sound.

-Elsa made it through the flight/customs no problem, and adjusted just about immediately. Our vet here is on the corner and speaks great English, as she's married to a staff sergeant on Kadena.

-My Japanese in-laws are pretty great. And really like me a lot. It's awesome and weird at the same time. I have a set of twin two-year-old second cousins named Nanami and Manami and they are just about the cutest things I have ever seen.

-Japan is a strange, strange country. And I think I really, genuinely like it here.

I've made a few posts to the Japan Blog, and have a backlog of updates that I can get to now that my adjustment period is bit more stable.

But for now, I'm alive.

After three and a half years, today was my last day at PetS*.

I'm reflecting on this here as my exhausted dog sleeps in my lap after being groomed this morning. I wonder a little if she would have been less of a tool about trimming her feet if she knew that today was her last day there. She likes going in with me in the mornings.

Anyway, I've learned more things there than I could ever count. Basic retail skills, like working a register and assembling a planogram, and more specialized skills, like the correct husbandry for dozens of species of critters in our care.

One of my favorite jobs I'd had was making sure all the chinchillas got to take a dust bath. Best. Morning. Duty. Ever.

I formalized my dog training style, and met hundreds of students and their dogs. I felt like I got to make a difference in a lot of lives, and educate a lot of well-meaning-but-confused people along with their equally well-meaning-but-confused dogs. And met some of the best and worst dogs you'll ever see.

I also learned a lot about dealing with customers and, perhaps more importantly, managers.

But as much as I'm grateful for all that, I think the wistfulness and mourning isn't really for the job itself (and again, I don't think I'd be the person I am today without it!) but rather the period in my life it represented.

When I first started working there, I had just made the Big Decision that I didn't want to be a chemist anymore, and accepted the fact that forcing myself through WPI was making me miserable and was the main source of depression. I was caught up in a whirlwind of "Now what?" and becoming a trainer was like the directional arrow pointing "this way." So that's where I went.

I was pretty much transformed. I went from a terrible struggle to pull myself up in the morning to being chipper at 6am, when I had to leave for my shift. I became motivated for something, which had long been lacking in my life. I suppose, looking back, that I had sorely missed that kind of drive.

Of course, there were times when I hated working there. Sometimes it was horrible students. Other times it was frustration at the conglomo-mind-borg structure of corporate retail. Sometimes it was just angst. And I had plenty of that, too - I was in an unproductive rut, my relationship with elenuial was at its most volatile, and my self-esteem was pretty low. Sometimes the thought of spending my break playing with baby chinchillas (or teaching a class full of enthusiastic four-month-old-puppies who were sponges) was what kept me sane.

And so began the Moping Rut phase, where I questioned my future, my abilities, my relationship, and pretty much anything I had stock in. I stopped doing anything creative, elenuial got frustrated with me constantly, and I gave up on my attempts to find a school to go back to and stick to it. And more negativity. And more nosedives. And more labels, like "failure" and "dropout" and all sorts of other lovely things.

This lasted forever. Seriously. The lows stayed low for years. And I began to associate my job with what I perceived as a waste of a life and sat and stewed for a long, long time.

Then, about a year ago, things went on an upswing. I realized (through my little brother, ironically enough) that I had done the right thing by leaving WPI. He told me that even though I was miserable, I looked happier than I ever had at WPI. And he used me as a measure as well, saying that he wants to be like me - someone happy and successful despite not having a degree rather than someone who got a degree and hates their field. It was thanks to that smack in the face that I realized that he was right - how many people got to do something they loved, change people's lives, face challenges that keep them busy, roll around with puppies, and get paid for it?

I started doing creative things again. Jewelry. Photography. I cut back on other commitments. I put down a deposit on an unborn puppy that I had budgeted for, planned for, and dreamed about for (my whole life! but, realistically:) two years. I started taking better care of myself and really socializing again.

And, seeing the change and my newfound identity based on confidence and self-respect, elenuial said he wanted to marry me.

I got the dog. I went to cons. I said "yes" to things that Mopey Haz in a Corner would never have agreed to. More stuff happened. I agreed to move to Japan. I got married. There were lows, sure, but overall it's been a steady crawl out of the ditch I'd willingly buried myself in.

While my personal life has been great, work has been stressful over the last six months. We had three groomers quit, a waitlist 30 miles long, broken equipment, and no end in sight. I felt bad giving my notice, despite it being months in advance. Still, I did what I could to help by things like picking up extra hours, blocking off time to fix what I could, and taking on a lot of cleaning duties so that stylists could accept more dogs. I was told time and again how, without me, the salon would've been screwed. Which made me worry more about what would happen when I left.

And as of today, we have three new groomers, two new bathers, and a host of new fixtures out back, all resolved within the span of two weeks. Things are looking bright, and morale is hugely improved. It was like the universe saying "...aaand this is okay now. Cool, you can go."

So I left without any real fuss (although the cake from Coldstone was nice!), just saying goodbye to the managers and the other employees I'd known longest. I left a note for those not on staff today ("Thanks for the last few years PS TRY NOT TO GET BITTEN OK"), did some re-stocking of Elsa treats, grabbed my keys, and walked out the door.

And this just adds to the feeling like something is about to start, or has already started to move. Big Life Things. And leaving this job just pulls everything into perspective. I'm not who I was three and a half years ago - with short black hair and a bleak vision of the future.

I've accepted that that I might not finish my degree (though I still intend to), and that getting one for the sake of getting one will not guarantee my happiness.

I've accepted that I am responsible for my own happiness, and that nothing will be handed to me. A lot of things come with some form of a fight if they're really worth it. Like elenuial.

I've even accepted the fact that I might be a tiny bit blonde.

So, 3:10 today marked the end of an era for me as I punched out for the last time. I might do something tonight to celebrate. But for now, I'll let the dog I raised from a baby sleep, edit some phenomenal photos of my idiot friends dressed as supervillains, and marvel at how awesome my life has miraculously become.

GOING TO JAPAN BRB

(seriously, we find out in ~3wks specifically where.)

Today marks six years together with the incomparable elenuial.

It also marks the last of these anniversaries we'll likely be celebrating, as the new one'll be in May.

loveyouverymuchthx

Tuesday: DO ALL THE THINGS.
Get up ass-early. Bring Elsa to vet.
Go to work. WORK NONSTOP and get all of the big things from the last month finished.
Win at talking to insurance companies.
Win at talking to clients.
Win at efficient urine screens.
Win at eating lunch quickly.
Win at staying on the toner ball the WHOLE DAY.
Leave work ~4ish, pick up Elsa at the vet.
MOMENT OF ELSA WIN:
Elsa meets screaming baby in carseat. Never seen a baby before. Mother asks if I'd show her Elsa to see if she'd cheer up. As soon as the baby lays eyes on her, baby quiets and reaches for her. Elsa hops out of my arms, crawls into the carseat, sits on the baby's lap. Licks baby's face and hands, bringing gigglefits. Lets baby grab fistfuls of fur, no complaints. Baby is happy, mom is happy, I'm happy that Elsa likes babies despite never having met one before.
Drive to oil change, where I also have them put air in the tires, check the wipers, and top off the antifreeze. Elsa makes a ton of friends in the waiting room. Maintaining my car LIKE AN ADULT.
Come home, turn on Dragon Age, Zevran proposes immediately. Romance quest win!
Make dinner! Go to dance party downstairs! Hem pants! DO ALL THE THINGS

Wednesday: ...all the things?
Have mental breakdown about Better off Dead and wedding. Flop around like a moose with no bones. Do absolutely nothing for most of the day. elenuial helps me around, brings me downstairs to food, and then I sit my ass down and get things done. Do a chunk of bluesheet writing for the game. No longer despondent.

Today: ALL THE THINGS
Get up early!
Let electrician in!
Feed dog!
Clean Elsa's kennel!
Do ALL the dishes!
Tidy up bedroom, living room, kitchen!
Start packing for Arisia!
Sort out hotel stuff!
Remember to eat!
Write most of a character sheet, and stay under the word limit!

I still have things I plan on doing, like packing and laundry, but still. Pretty dramatic curves, there.

We've set a date. May 14th, 2011. Holy shit, this is happening.

Elsa has graduated from restricted to two rooms of the house to having five rooms! When she's out, she can travel freely between the office, living room, kitchen, pantry, and bathroom. Housebreaking is going well, and she's so good with commands. We've added "high five," "roll over," and "crawl" to her repertoire.

Right now, we're trying to dissuade her from fingers and toes. She's very fierce and has tiny, sharp teeth before she enters the teething phase. She's doubled in size since the day she came home, a fact that mystifies us every time we notice.

So far, so good.

elenuial let me know the other night that come the next academic year, after he gets his first round of grad school done, he's looking to be somewhere distinctly Not Worcester. So far, the places he's looking at are in California, Arizona, and Wisconsin. Maybe a few places in Cambridge (which I'm hoping for), but just not here.

This raises a lot of issues, but one in particular: the animals. Now, a dog can be moved cross-country fairly easily, as he'll be over a year old and a CGX/CGC by then (hopefully both), and is fairly independent. Snakes, however, get stressed quickly and it's very difficult to keep a giant glass tank in the backseat AND keep it thermo-regulated on a cross-country drive. Not to mention that a lot of apartment buildings don't take kindly to snakes, even ones that max out at 12-18".

This leaves me with the unhappy idea of rehoming the snakes. This sucks, especially considering how young and awesome they are, but the prospects of bringing them anywhere are pretty grim.

If any of you would be interested in potentially taking them in sometime, feel free to let me know. They're nosy, docile, and very sweet babies who require minimal upkeep. If they get fed once a week and get to come out and play once in a while, they're happy. It upsets me that even though they're such easy animals, the idea of putting them at risk by moving them long-distance makes it not worth endangering their welfare.

I'm going to miss them something fierce.

5 years today.

<3 Love love beam.

The last few months have cemented it.

I want a Papillon.

They might not be very popular, but I don't care. It came as a surprise to me, as I'm very much a big dog person, but when I whittled my lifestyle needs down, these little guys have matched up in every way.

My three base requirements for a dog are as follows:
- Between 10 and 35 pounds so that I can easily carry/transport it in an emergency
- Have at least marginal grooming requirements that motivate me to be aware of its hygiene, low-allergen breeds preferred
- Be highly intelligent and receptive to training/obedience

Papillons are amazing dogs. I've always loved them, but the more of them I've met recently, the more in love with the breed I've fallen. They're toy spaniels, essentially, meaning they're about a foot at the shoulders and 12-15 pounds but have the work ethic/desire to please of their hunting relatives.

They're also in the top ten breeds of The Intelligence of Dogs, a study that measured both the ease of training and obedience level of the AKC recognized breeds.

So, easy to train, motivated, capable of entertaining themselves, human-oriented, cute as hell!, single-coated, and ridiculously loyal dogs. And it's extremely easy to train them to be near-silent, too. I want a dog whose brain I can really work and then reward them by letting them snuggle into my lap.

This is the breed for me.

I know I'm not ready for a dog yet. Not this year. But when I get a more stable situation, it's going to happen.

Until then, I can only wait and fidget.

So, as Bowie has been missing for almost two weeks, I told elenuial that I'd only be able to torture myself for a few months at most before giving up utterly. At that point, I might be able to get another snake.

Prior to getting Bowie, I'd fallen in love with Vietnamese Blue Beauty ratsnakes (orthriophis taeniurus ssp) but couldn't find a breeder who'd send me pictures of the parents.

Today, in the store, I was helping a customer in the reptile department who was decorating his reptile room. He was a breeder, he said. What did he breed, I asked him. Ball pythons, he said. Morphs of those, and morphs of cornsnakes.

And Blue Beauties.

Not only that, but his female is gravid and expecting a clutch in a few weeks. Which means, should everything go according to plan, the hatchlings will be able to leave around September.

I think that this is a sign from the universe. I don't know what kind of a sign it is, but it's a big one.