Curiouser and Curiouser

The new additions are a wonderful resource for keeping me happy and sane.

Day 1 Observations:
They're adjusting very well, and have gone from sleepy and slow to spastic and nosy. They're interested in everything. Personalities seem to be just as I thought: the orange baby is much more outgoing and inquisitive, and the white baby is on the reserved, mellow end of things. A good image was what I was greeted with upon arriving home. The orange one was busily exploring some neat-looking rocks on the far side of the tank while his brother was curled up over the heat pad with only his head sticking out of the chips.

I did have my first panic attack this morning, though. I went in to check on them after their first night, and found Orange pretty easily. White was nowhere. I searched the entire tank, then realized that the waterfall was slightly off-kilter. White had managed to get into the reservoir and lodged himself in the filter section, and I realized that he may have been there long enough to drown. I immediately took him out, dried him off, and held him under the heat lamp. He spat out a little water and was fine, looking at me like I was nuts.

That was all it took. No more waterfall until they're adults and smart/big enough to not do stupid crap like that.

They've had the tank to themselves today, which was good. I was in RI with family for King Richard's Faire, and met up with usernamenumber when there. He'd never been, I hadn't been in years. It was a good time, though, and we got to see this year's litter of tiger cubs. So dumb, but so cute.

And I'm exhausted. Thank goodness I'm working relatively short shifts for the next two days - I need time to process, sleep, and process more.

And cuddle snakes. There's always time for that.

My apologies for an emo post.

I have no idea if this is related to my medical issues or not (I'm guessing not), but my self-esteem has been down the tubes lately.

I've been extremely self-conscious, especially about what I say. It leads, more often than not, to me not saying things that are probably fine. Or would have been good/hilarious to say. Many, if not most of my social interactions lately have had glaringly awkward moments, and my social processing speed is down to a slow trot. Maybe this is due to a lot of my dynamics with people shifting recently, and my head trying to make sense of things.

I've also had my body image drop down to nil. I don't feel attractive at all in any way, shape, or form. I have no idea why, but I've been very unhappy when it comes to my looks.
Maybe this has something to do with my job leaving me covered in scratches, dog hair, and the occasional slobber of gratitude. Or the awkward midway-length stage of growing my hair back out.

I'm also trying very hard to be a good teacher, partner, seamstress, and a number of other challenging things and coming up empty in the confidence department.

I'm hoping this'll pass. I hate feeling like crap. And wanting to sleep all the time.

Off to drink tea, cook dinner, and watch a movie with <3.

So, after elenuial headed downstairs, I went over to Bowie's cage, picked up him, grabbed a book, and sat in the sun on the couch. I plopped Bowie in my lap, thinking he'd appreciate the warmth and texture of the sweater-dress-thing that I wore, and started reading.

As I finished reading, I looked down, and Bowie was still contentedly sprawled out across my lap.

This is a huge freaking deal for the following reasons:
- Kingsnakes are twitchy. They're either sleeping or zipping, which means that Bowie was asleep for an hour.
- Kingsnakes don't sleep out in the open, compelled to find shelter for defense reasons. They zoom around until they find a dark, snug place to hide.
- A stretched-out snake is a vulnerable snake. They much prefer to be curled up and ready.
- Milk/kingsnakes don't bask. Which means that the sunlight wasn't doing anything for him.
- I haven't taken him out to explore since yesterday, and he's a super nosy baby.
- He was out in the open, and not flipping out to go hide somewhere.

Add this all together, and this is pretty atypical snake behavior. Especially for a snake as young (and therefore vulnerable) as Bowie. Which means something else.

Bowie trusts me entirely.

Enough to make himself totally vulnerable for an extended period of time, just because I'm there. He somehow knows, without the use of language, that this alien creature a thousand times his size wouldn't lay a finger on him.

And that just stuns me.

He's a snake. One of the furthest critters from humans in almost every way, especially when it comes to communication. And while I know that I've never given him reason to think I'd ever hurt him, I haven't seen any acknowledgment back from him until today.

And this isn't just being tame or used to regular handling. A lot of tame snakes will tolerate humans and that's it. This is a clear, understood "I know that you can squash me but I also know that you never will" on his part. Total trust.

I have a snake.