Reasons why I love my job: lizards have personalities

An exchange between myself and a two-foot-long yellow-lined plated lizard that took place this morning:

L: (fuss fuss fuss)
H: What? (picks up)
L: 'Kies. (chills)
H: ...
L: (chills)
H: No, this isn't how it works. You're a plated lizard. And a big one. You're not supposed to like human contact.
L: Apparently, you're wrong.
H: Nope. Back you go. (puts back)
L: (fuss fuss fuss fuss)
H: What? Why are you acting like a crazy? (picks up)
L: 'Kies. (chills)
H: WE ARE NOT MAKING A HABIT OF THIS. Stop being a diva. (puts back, turns away)
L: (throws self belly-first against glass and flails legs)
H: I'm not picking you up.
L: (flail)
H: No. Stop that.
L: (flail)
H: I SAID NO D:
L: Please?
H: OKAY. FINE. (picks up)
L: 'Kies. (positions self so entire length of body starts at fingertips and ends at elbow)
H: Happy now?
L: (sticks out fleshy black tongue and licks thumb in response)
J: (walking by) Oh, he's out. Was he not eating?
H: Don't know yet. Haven't gotten to try.
J: He looks so docile. (reaches for him)
L: No, no no no no. Don't think so.
J: Guess not.
H: He's just angry because he's getting fat.
L: Excuse me?
J: But lizards don't have the stomach capacity to overeat.
H: He doesn't exercise. He just makes me carry him everywhere.
L: Flailing is exercise.
J: Huh. You going to hand-feed him, then?
L: ...?
H: NO. HE WILL EAT LIKE A. NORMAL. LIZARD.

And so he did. I made him hunt, and he pigged out. I love watching him stalk - he's slinky and strikes like a snake. Except he gets overzealous and grabs a mouthful of bark along with his prey once in a while, and I have to try and get him to let go of the big chunks.

L: IT'S MINE.
H: (tugging) It's bark.
L: IT IS MY BARK.

Stubborn and cute. I like him.

-H